By Leah Davies, M.Ed.The following quotes may be used in a variety of ways by both teachers and counselors. One idea is for a thought to be posted, read, and discussed at the beginning of each week. It could then be read daily with the students. At the end of the week ask them what they learned or how the thought applied to their lives or activities during the week. Have the children give written or oral examples, or have them draw a picture to illustrate their ideas.
Used by permission of the author,
Leah Davies, and selected from the Kelly Bear website [www.kellybear.com],
2/05
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Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Friday, October 7, 2011
Savoring by Bill O'Hanlon
According to the American Heritage Dictionary, to savor is "to appreciate fully, enjoy or relish." Savoring involves paying full attention to something in one's experience. Savoring also involves engaging in the experience. Too many times in our busy, multi-tasking life, we miss the actual experience we might be having. It is said that few people who visit the magnificent Grand Canyon in the American Southwest actually see it directly any longer. They only see it through the digital camera or video screen they have in front of their eyes so they can see later what they would have been seeing if they'd bothered to look.
Savoring is not equal to pleasure, but refers more to appreciating and noticing and engaging in some experience. One could even savor a bitter-tasting food, or a feeling of melancholy.
One can distinguish three ways to savor one's experience:
The first and most common type of savoring is Present-Oriented Savoring, in which one is enjoying and engaging fully in some experience in the moment.
Some activities one might do to experience present-oriented savoring are:
- Cellphone-, email-, TV-, computer-free time periods
- Sensory focus moments (using visual, auditory, kinesthetic, olfactory or gustatory senses)
Watching sunrise or sunset
Feeling the breeze with eyes closed
Smelling food or environmental scents
Tuning in to bodily sensations
Tasting/savoring food
Slow eating with no distractions
- Mindfulness practices
- Tuning in to feelings of the moment
The next is Past-Oriented Savoring, in which we vividly recall something we experienced and treasured in the past. This type of savoring might also involve reliving or re-experiencing a significant experience by telling it to others.
Some activities one might do to experience past-oriented savoring are:
- Replaying happy days
- Keeping a savoring photo album
- Remembering acts of kindness
- Recalling best moments
Last is Future-Oriented Savoring, in which we anticipate something good we expect to or want to have happen in the future. These are essentially vivid, engaging daydreams.
Some activities one might do to experience future-oriented savoring are:
- Vividly imaging an anticipated event
- Imagining what the future without some current hassle or problem would be
- Exploring your best possible future self
- Detailing the components of your ideal day
Savoring
Bill O'Hanlon, Bill@billohanlon.com, http://www.billohanlon.com
Monday, January 24, 2011
For a New Beginning
In out-of-the-way places of the heart,
Where your thoughts never think to wander,
This beginning has been quietly forming,
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.
Where your thoughts never think to wander,
This beginning has been quietly forming,
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.
For a long time it has watched your desire,
Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
Noticing how you willed yourself on,
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.
Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
Noticing how you willed yourself on,
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.
It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the gray promises that sameness whispered,
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,
Wondered would you always live like this.
And the gray promises that sameness whispered,
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,
Wondered would you always live like this.
Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plenitude opening before you.
Though your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life's desire.
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plenitude opening before you.
Though your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life's desire.
Awaken your spirit to adventure;
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.
~ John O'Donohue ~
(To Bless the Space Between Us)
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
10 Things Guys Wish Women Knew About Men
Here's an old article from Homeword.com that I really like:
10 Things Guys Wish Women Knew About Men
By Shaunti Feldhahn and Jim Burns
It is likely no surprise to you that God has wired women and men differently. We all recognize some of these differences, but others often hide in plain sight. Shaunti Feldhahn, a nationally syndicated newspaper columnist, author and speaker recently wrote a fantastic book, For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men. In it, she recounts the surprising truths she learned about men after interviewing more than one thousand of them. Not long ago, I had the opportunity to interview Shaunti for our radio broadcast, HomeWord with Jim Burns. In our discussion, we spoke about ten things guys wish women knew about men. I think you’ll find these ten things fascinating! Even more, I believe that in understanding these issues, you’ll be equipped to lead your marriage to a better place!
1. Men would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected. Husbands need to know that their wives respect them both privately and publicly. Men thrive when they know that their wives trust them, admire them and believe in them. Shaunti Feldhahn’s research indicated that men would rather sense the loss of loving feelings from their wives than to be disrespected by them.
2. A man’s anger is often a response to feeling disrespected by his wife. When a husband becomes angry with his wife, he may not come out and say, “You’re disrespecting me!” But, there is a good likelihood that he is feeling stung by something his wife has done which he considers disrespectful and humiliating.
3. Men are insecure. Men are afraid that they aren’t cutting it in life -- not just at work, but at home, in their role as a husband. They may never vocalize this, but inwardly, they are secretly vulnerable. The antidote? Affirmation. To men, affirmation from their wives is everything! If they don’t receive this affirmation from their wives, they’ll seek it elsewhere. When they receive regular and genuine affirmation from their wives (not flattery, by the way), they become much more secure and confident in all areas of their lives.
4. Men feel the burden of being the provider for their family. Intellectually, it doesn’t matter how much or little a man makes, or whether or not his wife makes more or less money in her career. Men simply bear the emotional burden of providing for their family. It’s not a burden they’ve chosen to bear. Men are simply wired with this burden. As such, it is never far from their minds and can result in the feeling of being trapped. While wives cannot release their husbands from this burden, they can relieve it through a healthy dose of appreciation, encouragement and support.
5. Men want more sex. Everyone’s natural response to this is probably, “Duh!” But, that response is probably for the wrong reason. We primarily assume that men want more sex with their wives due to their physical wiring (their “needs”). But, surprisingly, Shaunti Feldhahn’s research showed that the reason men want more sex is because of their strong need to be desired by their wives. Men simply need to be wanted. Regular, fulfilling sex is critical to a man’s sense of feeling loved and desired.
6. Sex means more than sex. When men feel their wives desire them sexually, it has a profound effect on the rest of their lives. It gives them an increasing sense of confidence and well-being that carries over into every other area of his life. The flipside of this coin also carries a profoundly negative affect. When a husband feels rejected sexually, he not only feels his wife is rejecting him physically, but that she is somehow rejecting his life as a husband, provider and man. This is why making sex a priority in marriage is so incredibly important!
7. Men struggle with visual temptation. This means the vast majority of men respond to visual images when it comes to women. And, this doesn’t just mean the guys with wandering eyes. Even the most godly husband cannot avoid noticing a woman who dresses in a way that draws attention to her body. Even if it is just a glance, these visual images are stored away in the male brain as a sort of “visual rolodex” that will reappear without any warning. Men can choose whether to dwell on these images and memories or dismiss them, but they can’t control when these images appear.
8. Men enjoy romance, but doubt their skills to be romantic. True, many men appear to be unromantic clods, but it doesn’t mean that they want to be that way! Men want to be romantic, but they just doubt their ability to pull it off. They are plagued by internal hesitations, perceiving the risk of humiliation and failure as too high. Wives can do a great deal to increase their husbands’ confidence in their romantic skills through encouragement and redefining what romance looks like. For example, a wife may balk when her husband asks her to go along to the hardware store, but it’s likely that he’s asking because he sees it as a time they can get away as a couple and hang out together. What’s not romantic about that?
9. Men care about their wife’s appearance. This isn’t saying that all men want their wives to look like the latest supermodel. What men really want is to know that their wives are making an effort to take care of themselves (and not letting themselves go) because it matters to them (the husbands!). Husbands appreciate the efforts their wives make to maintain their attractiveness.
10. Men want their wives to know how much they love them. This was the number one response of men. Men aren’t confident in their ability to express this, but they love their wives dearly. Men want to show how much they love their wives and long for them to understand this fact.
www.HomeWord.com 800.397.9725
10 Things Guys Wish Women Knew About Men
By Shaunti Feldhahn and Jim Burns
It is likely no surprise to you that God has wired women and men differently. We all recognize some of these differences, but others often hide in plain sight. Shaunti Feldhahn, a nationally syndicated newspaper columnist, author and speaker recently wrote a fantastic book, For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men. In it, she recounts the surprising truths she learned about men after interviewing more than one thousand of them. Not long ago, I had the opportunity to interview Shaunti for our radio broadcast, HomeWord with Jim Burns. In our discussion, we spoke about ten things guys wish women knew about men. I think you’ll find these ten things fascinating! Even more, I believe that in understanding these issues, you’ll be equipped to lead your marriage to a better place!
1. Men would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected. Husbands need to know that their wives respect them both privately and publicly. Men thrive when they know that their wives trust them, admire them and believe in them. Shaunti Feldhahn’s research indicated that men would rather sense the loss of loving feelings from their wives than to be disrespected by them.
2. A man’s anger is often a response to feeling disrespected by his wife. When a husband becomes angry with his wife, he may not come out and say, “You’re disrespecting me!” But, there is a good likelihood that he is feeling stung by something his wife has done which he considers disrespectful and humiliating.
3. Men are insecure. Men are afraid that they aren’t cutting it in life -- not just at work, but at home, in their role as a husband. They may never vocalize this, but inwardly, they are secretly vulnerable. The antidote? Affirmation. To men, affirmation from their wives is everything! If they don’t receive this affirmation from their wives, they’ll seek it elsewhere. When they receive regular and genuine affirmation from their wives (not flattery, by the way), they become much more secure and confident in all areas of their lives.
4. Men feel the burden of being the provider for their family. Intellectually, it doesn’t matter how much or little a man makes, or whether or not his wife makes more or less money in her career. Men simply bear the emotional burden of providing for their family. It’s not a burden they’ve chosen to bear. Men are simply wired with this burden. As such, it is never far from their minds and can result in the feeling of being trapped. While wives cannot release their husbands from this burden, they can relieve it through a healthy dose of appreciation, encouragement and support.
5. Men want more sex. Everyone’s natural response to this is probably, “Duh!” But, that response is probably for the wrong reason. We primarily assume that men want more sex with their wives due to their physical wiring (their “needs”). But, surprisingly, Shaunti Feldhahn’s research showed that the reason men want more sex is because of their strong need to be desired by their wives. Men simply need to be wanted. Regular, fulfilling sex is critical to a man’s sense of feeling loved and desired.
6. Sex means more than sex. When men feel their wives desire them sexually, it has a profound effect on the rest of their lives. It gives them an increasing sense of confidence and well-being that carries over into every other area of his life. The flipside of this coin also carries a profoundly negative affect. When a husband feels rejected sexually, he not only feels his wife is rejecting him physically, but that she is somehow rejecting his life as a husband, provider and man. This is why making sex a priority in marriage is so incredibly important!
7. Men struggle with visual temptation. This means the vast majority of men respond to visual images when it comes to women. And, this doesn’t just mean the guys with wandering eyes. Even the most godly husband cannot avoid noticing a woman who dresses in a way that draws attention to her body. Even if it is just a glance, these visual images are stored away in the male brain as a sort of “visual rolodex” that will reappear without any warning. Men can choose whether to dwell on these images and memories or dismiss them, but they can’t control when these images appear.
8. Men enjoy romance, but doubt their skills to be romantic. True, many men appear to be unromantic clods, but it doesn’t mean that they want to be that way! Men want to be romantic, but they just doubt their ability to pull it off. They are plagued by internal hesitations, perceiving the risk of humiliation and failure as too high. Wives can do a great deal to increase their husbands’ confidence in their romantic skills through encouragement and redefining what romance looks like. For example, a wife may balk when her husband asks her to go along to the hardware store, but it’s likely that he’s asking because he sees it as a time they can get away as a couple and hang out together. What’s not romantic about that?
9. Men care about their wife’s appearance. This isn’t saying that all men want their wives to look like the latest supermodel. What men really want is to know that their wives are making an effort to take care of themselves (and not letting themselves go) because it matters to them (the husbands!). Husbands appreciate the efforts their wives make to maintain their attractiveness.
10. Men want their wives to know how much they love them. This was the number one response of men. Men aren’t confident in their ability to express this, but they love their wives dearly. Men want to show how much they love their wives and long for them to understand this fact.
www.HomeWord.com 800.397.9725
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
No Dumping Without Permit
Some people believe that being related to or intimate with another person gives them the right to express their opinions and feelings at any given time. They feel that it’s a privilege earned or a sacrifice required from being close. They get to dump their thoughts and feelings on the people they love whenever they want to and the people they love are expected to listen.
Sometimes that person is “bursting” with good news. Other times they’re “bursting” with a complaint, a personal problem or worry. Or, they can’t stand it anymore; they just have to give you that advice that will “fix” your life. They mean well, they love you, but need to tell you what to do.
Afterward, that person feels relieved, unburdened. They “got it off their chest”, “dumped” it elsewhere.
But for the other person, the emotional “dumpee”, it may feel quite different – like they’re now carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. Now there’s concern or worry for another person; or the seeds of self-doubt have been planted in their mind; or they’re saddened by the information they’ve been told. Whatever the reaction, their emotional state has been affected by the “dump.” It may ruin their day or even cause them to lose sleep.
In healthy close relationships, the right to “dump” on the one you love isn’t assumed to be a right or requirement. Instead, consideration of the other person’s needs, timing or readiness to listen is taken into account. Permission is requested. An appointment to talk may even be made. Here are some examples of how to share without dumping:
Do you mind if I tell you about something that’s been on my mind?
Is now a good time to talk about that suggestion I had?
When would be a good time to get together and let me give you an update?
Got a minute?
Sometimes that person is “bursting” with good news. Other times they’re “bursting” with a complaint, a personal problem or worry. Or, they can’t stand it anymore; they just have to give you that advice that will “fix” your life. They mean well, they love you, but need to tell you what to do.
Afterward, that person feels relieved, unburdened. They “got it off their chest”, “dumped” it elsewhere.
But for the other person, the emotional “dumpee”, it may feel quite different – like they’re now carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. Now there’s concern or worry for another person; or the seeds of self-doubt have been planted in their mind; or they’re saddened by the information they’ve been told. Whatever the reaction, their emotional state has been affected by the “dump.” It may ruin their day or even cause them to lose sleep.
In healthy close relationships, the right to “dump” on the one you love isn’t assumed to be a right or requirement. Instead, consideration of the other person’s needs, timing or readiness to listen is taken into account. Permission is requested. An appointment to talk may even be made. Here are some examples of how to share without dumping:
Do you mind if I tell you about something that’s been on my mind?
Is now a good time to talk about that suggestion I had?
When would be a good time to get together and let me give you an update?
Got a minute?
Monday, May 31, 2010
Reset/Reboot
All of us have bad days when we feel like we’re spiraling downward. Just like a computer, our software is hung up and going nowhere good. Maybe we’re stuck in a negative thinking pattern, fussing at ourselves for our imperfections. Or, maybe we’re reacting to a stressful situation or a negative person. Whatever the reason, we notice our body holding tension, our thoughts going faster and faster and we know that very soon we’re going to say or do something counter-productive.
It’s possible to stop yourself from reaching that point. It’s possible to stop the downward spiral, reset, and restart in a better mode. With a little experimentation you can figure out what works as your own personal reset button.
Some examples that may be helpful are listed below. Try them and see what works for you.
- Take a break, get away from the situation and go to another room
- Go outdoors for a breath of fresh air, take a walk, go for a run
- Exhale slowly, inhale slowly, repeat
- Sing or hum a song out loud or to yourself
- Distract yourself with an exertive task such as cleaning, mowing, straightening
- Distract yourself with an absorbing mental task like Sudoku or a crossword puzzle
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